ah, corey

I have a friend named Melissa (who, in full disclosure, I have not been in regular contact with for awhile). If I called her, I would begin with, "Hi, Melissa, this is Melissa." She thought this was funny. What could I do? It was true.

Melissa and I were not actresses, and did not appear in several movies together, and were never featured in teen magazines. We were spared the experience of existing in that glaringly bright spot of celebrity as teenagers. And so, today, we live quiet lives away from the prodding eyes of reality TV camera lenses and A&E viewers.

The same, I am sort of sad to say, cannot be said of the Coreys. It's not news that they're in a "reality" TV show together ("The Two Coreys," which debuted last night on A&E). The news broke awhile back, and it isn't at all surprising when you consider the reality- and celebreality-saturated state of modern (as in, the past few years) television. Part of my inner 12-year-old perked up happily when I first heard about the show, but most of my inner 12-year-old is glad I missed the premier. I prefer to think of Corey and Corey from the naive perspective of a pre-teen with pin-ups all over her walls, when the greatest drama I knew of their lives was Corey H. hanging out with Alyssa Milano or Lala Sloatman (oh, the jealousy I felt), or Corey F. getting emancipated from his parents.

Corey Haim was my favorite (my favorite among all young, attractive actors at the time actually), while my best friend preferred Corey Feldman. This may have made the latter Corey's unbecoming appearance on "The Surreal Life" (which I've seen bits of) easier to stomach. More than a decade of non-Corey-centered existence also made it easier to face a bloated-drug-addict version of Corey Haim in some entertainment-news report on TV. Still, my naive, pleasantly nostalgic Corey Haim ideal has been altered. I don't want to further tarnish my former massive celebrity crush by learning more about who he is now, or at least who he appears to be on a reality TV show. I also am not interested in seeing the subject of my formerly massive celebrity crush be the butt of the reality TV joke, which most famous people on such shows are.

It's possible he's funny and likable. I don't hold it against him that he's had drug problems. But I expect that the show will be more likely to make him look bad than not (a lot of celebreality shows tend to focus on the less admirable qualities of its stars, no?). This reminds me of VH1's "Rock of Love" with Bret Michaels (who I saw in concert with Poison, who also occupied many spots on my bedroom wall, in the ninth grade). Even if these people turn out to be what you would logically expect, it's still disappointing to see them drinking like frat boys and romping around hot tubs with scantily clad women as if there's nothing tragic, empty and juvenile about it all.

It's a disappointment, often, when your personal version of who that guy in the magazine photo is turns out to be far different than the real thing. (In Bret's case, I think his music made his lifestyle pretty clear; I would have hoped he would outgrow some of that with age and experience, though.) It's easier when your teen idols grow up to fade away as they make good lives for themselves out of the spotlight, or when they grow up to be successful in their careers, known more for their talent and skill than for their grasps at second-rate celebrity. When I was 12, it would have never occurred to me that I would one day see a puffy-faced, sometimes incoherent Corey Haim on TV in a story about his drug addiction. Now, an estimated couple of years after seeing that, he at least looks healthier. I hope he is. I hope he turns out to be a stable person who can find real success without the junk that ruins people. Seeing him in a decent movie after all these years would be a treat. I'd be all about watching that.